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Ask Dr. Burkham

Here are some questions that others have asked Dr. Burkham:

(questions 96 - 100 of 126 total) <<< Previous Page 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 Next Page >>>

Monday, August 14, 2006
New Patient writes:
How can I get the most out of psychotherapy? That is, how can I make the most out of my time there in the office.

Dear New Patient:

This is the question which I try to answer with all the information on my website and in my book! I really believe that your progress in therapy is influenced by how savvy you are as a client--how well informed about how therapy works.

So, for the full answer to your very important question, order and read my book and read the material on the site. For a briefer answer, follow these guidelines:

Be clear about what you want out of therapy and make this clear to your therapist.
Figure out how you want to change yourself, not how you want others to change!
Find a mature or "well differentiated" therapist who will listen and respect you, who will work on your agenda and will not force you to work on what they think you should work on. One who will avoid blaming others or blaming you for your problems. One who will encourage you to resolve problems you have with your family members by working on you not working on them.
Keep working on yourself even when the crisis that brought you to therapy is over.

That's about as brief as I can be! Good luck!

Dr. B

Monday, July 17, 2006
Sara writes:
What type of therapy is more helpful for marriage problems?

Dear Sara:

To give a complete answer to this question, I'd have to print out almost all of my book, The Therapy Triangle! I'll try to be brief:

Effective therapy for marital problems involves working with a mature therapist whom you trust and respect and who will avoid taking sides in the marital conflicts. The therapist should help you and your partner move away from blaming each other (very common in marital problems) and move towards working on how you can be different with your partner and how your partner can be different with you. This is not easy in many marital therapies but unless at least one person is willing to stand up and say "I want to be different in this marriage" nothing will change.

So, that's my short answer--you can find a much more in-depth answer in my book.

Best of luck!

Dr. Rob Burkham

Friday, July 14, 2006
Mover But Not a Shaker writes:
Dr. Burkham, What is wrong with me? I always want to move. Everytime I move into another house I hate it after a few months and want to move again. Then I end up hating that place too. Everytime I fix up a place to make it look amazing I want to move again. Any ideas? Thank you.

Without more information about you, I can only speculate: somehow, staying in one place, having a stable life, has become a terrible prospect for you. This may be a family tradition: are there others who have gone before you in previous generations who got stuck in a life they hated? At any rate, your frustrations could be helpfully shared with a therapist who could (if they are good) help you make sense of this pattern and help you change it. I wish you all the best!

Dr. Rob Burkham

Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Too Shy to Ask writes:
What does it mean when my therapist says she is my 'witness'?

I have no idea what she means--you would have to ask her! Asking her might help you with your shyness. You have a right to know what she means, so try not to be intimidated.

All the best,

Dr. Rob Burkham

Monday, June 12, 2006
DK writes:
I think I may have bi-polar disorder. I want to find help but I'm concerned about where to go. The thought of having this disease really terrifies me. But I think I really need to see someone. Do you work with people who are bi-polar?

I do work with people with bi-polar disorder in psychotherapy but for almost everyone with that disorder, medication is an essential part of their treatment. Since I am a psychologist, not a psychiatrist, I cannot prescribe medication. So, I would recommend going first to a psychiatrist with experience treating bi-polar disorder and get evaluated. If you are bi-polar and medication will help stabilize you, then by all means, get on the medication. You may also find that you need psychotherapy to help you understand the disease, recognize the signs of the disorder in yourself, and learn how to combat it with medication and with changes in your behavior and your thoughts. The psychotherapy is where a psychologist like myself can help.

Good luck to you!

Dr. Rob Burkham

(questions 96 - 100 of 126 total) <<< Previous Page 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 Next Page >>>

"Dr. Burkham helped me change my life so I am a happier person. At the start of treatment, I believed I was unhappy because others did not give me what I needed and wanted. Dr. Burkham helped me recognize and understand my patterns of behavior and what motivated me to act the way I did. As I gained insight about my fears, insecurities and desires, I no longer gave others the power to make me unhappy. I was able to change my patterns and make conscious choices that were good for me."
- B.B., age 56.

All testimonials from clients are from former clients of Dr. Burkham. It is unethical for a psychologist to solicit testimonials from clients who are currently in treatment.