Here are some questions that others have asked Dr. Burkham:
(questions 81 - 85 of 126 total)
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Thursday, June 14, 2007
Mary Ann writes:
Hi Dr. Burkham...I am feeling very distressed with regards to my therapist. I feel so dependent on her, I replay our conversations over and over in my mind. I think about her all the time. I want to be her special client and I don't want her to see any other clients. I just want to cry when I hear her say to someone else that it was nice to see them. I just want her to say that to me. I feel like I am going crazy with this but am so embarressed to admit it to her. It really is affecting my sessions with her...sometimes I feel I give her the cold shoulder when I here her saying something nice to someone else. I want her only to be my therapist. I know in my head it's ridiculous but in my heart it hurts and I feel I have no control over it. I have a lot of respect for you and would love to hear what you have to say about this. Desperate.....
Dear Mary Ann: This is an issue which is vitally important for you to deal with with your therapist. It is a very difficult thing to talk about with her because you may feel ashamed of having these thoughts and feelings. However, working this through with your therapist can teach you alot because this problem is not just about you and your therapist but about you and important others in your life, such as your family. Therapists are trained to help people who are having thoughts which logically don't make alot of sense, so she probably won't be surprised and won't be judgemental about it. It's very interesting that I received nearly the same letter on the same day from another visitor to my site--obviously you're not the only one dealing with this! (See Diane's question.)
Dr. B
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Dianne writes:
Hi Dr. Burkham...I am currently in therapy with a female therapist. I have tremendous jealousy over her other clients, it's to the point where I shut down emotionally when I see someone else come out of her office and almost become bitter and angry with my therapist. I want to be special to her...and for her to like me. I want to be her favorite. I don't understand why I am like this. I want to discuss this with her but am afraid she'll think I am crazy. Confused......
Dear Dianne: Your question came to me almost at the same time as Mary Ann's so my answer is the same: talk to your therapist. See my answer to Mary Ann's question which appears above.
All the best.
Dr. B
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Brenda writes:
How would you feel if your client was reluctant to participate in therapy and did not come in for their session?
Dear Brenda: Many people are reluctant to participate in therapy even when they know they could benefit from it. Most people who come for treatment have a part of them that wants to change and is willing to come to therapy and a part of them that is afraid of change and does not want to participate. Therapy can be a frightening thing and so many people resist it.
If your question is how do I as a therapist feel about clients who are reluctant, I fully accept them because I have a clear sense of how difficult therapy is. Clients need to be ready for therapy--ready to work on themselves--and not every one is at that point in their life. Many people overcome their fears of therapy and can benefit greatly from it.
Best of luck,
Dr. B
Friday, April 27, 2007
iva writes:
HI! i am a student in psychology and now i have client tha suffers from social anxiety. i don't know how to ask him about his problem. i don't know what to do in a session. can u help me please?
Dear Iva: If your client is suffering from Social Anxiety Disorder then he is having strong feelings of anxiety when he is around other people, particularly in situations where he feels he is being evaluated. He will be having strong and unrealistic thoughts about how others are judging him and putting him down. Ask him to describe the situations in which he gets anxious. Listen carefully without judging or disagreeing and be curious about what is going on with him. Ask him to observe himself between sessions when he gets anxious and what his anxiety-producing thoughts are. That will lead you to your therapy--helping him learn relaxation teechniques and learn to change his thoughts.
Many times problems with social anxiety are tied up in important relationships in the client's life. To understand the wider context of your client's therapy, I would of course recommend reading The Therapy Triangle!
Best of luck!
Dr. Rob Burkham
Saturday, April 21, 2007
jealous client writes:
Dear Dr. Burkham,
I've been in therapy with the same therapist for many years. I find that I'm curious about his other clients. Who's in the previous or later sessions from me? I feel jealous, like I want to be the 'special' client. Is this normal?
Dear Jealous Client:
It certainly is a common feeling that clients have: wanting to be 'special' to their therapist and wanting to be liked better than his or her other clients. However, it probably reflects a kind of neediness rooted in childhood: wanting to be 'special' to a parent and loved more than one's siblings. It's a sign that you could work further on yourself to become more grown up, i.e. more at peace with and confident in yourself and able to connect with others without worrying so much about their acceptance of you.
In my book and on the website, I talk alot about 'differentiation' which is the growth process which clients can go through to become more fully themselves--I think it would be helpful for you to read up on this. And, of course, talk to your therapist about your feelings and try to work through those to become more of who you can be.
Best of luck,
Dr. Rob Burkham
(questions 81 - 85 of 126 total)
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