Dr. Rob Burkham

Sunday, August 05, 2007
Mary writes:
I enjoyed your book, it has helped me understand how my last Dr was not helping me. It should help me find one who will help. I have wasted a lot of time by not knowing how therapy should work. I feel I am on the right track now Thanks again!

Dear Mary:  I'm really glad the book could help you out!  All the best!

Dr. Rob Burkham

Thursday, August 02, 2007
Janet writes:
Hello, I wrote you before about my therapist closing her practice and the process of finding a new therapist. I have been working with my new therapist for about 3 weeks and I feel like it is one sided. She has no commentary or reflection and guidance. I realize she is listening to get a sense of what drives my issues. However between my old therapist chatting with her and the info I gave her I expect more interaction. She feels it will take another couple of sessions before she make the decison as to whether she can help guide/navigate this process with me or recommend me to another threapist. What was the point of the interview process and the interection and exchange of info between the two therapist, if now I am facing another upheaval. I am feeling quite directionless in this work and frightened. I really want some conversation about what the issues are and why I feel so stuck of late and get good information on healing. I feel worried about what is wrong with me and why I am not seeing relief. Any ideas, suggestions, ways to find some self belief and confidence? Thank you Janet

Dear Janet:

You've laid out some vital concerns and questions which I would recommend sharing in one form or another with your current therapist.  After three sessions or so, she should be able to give you her preliminary take on what you and she can work on and if the two of you will be able to work together.  Advocating for yourself with your therapist will help you find out if she can help you or not.  It can also help you get a stronger sense that you have some power in this process of getting help.  Best of luck!

Dr. Rob Burkham

Thursday, July 26, 2007
Oliver P. writes:
My older, female therapist is great, at 3rd session I was able to let out my past negative emotions by crying my heart out. My wife, a bit jealous, asks 'Why don't you shed tears when you tell me the same thing? Why couldn't I do that for you? What makes the therapist so special that you can cry in front of her but not me?' I do not have an answer.

Dear Oliver:

What a great question your wife asked!  You are experiencing the therapy triangle first hand!  A therapist can often elicit emotional outpourings from clients not only because they have the empathic listening skills but because they are 'strangers' who are not deeply involved in your life.  You are much less emotionally invested in them than you are in your spouse or other family members.  So you are freer emotionally with them. 

You could point out to your wife that you have great difficulty getting in touch with your emotional pain but that with therapy you will get enough practice that you will be able to cry in front of her.  You can remind her that this is your issue and problem, not hers and that you are working on it.

I hope all goes well!

Dr. Rob Burkham

Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Ali writes:
Hello Dr Burkham. I was in therapy for almost 2 1/2 years. During that time the therapist never mentioned any diagnosis but I went to weekly appointments, paid for mostly by my insurance. After he ended therapy I was left with a lot of loose ends and more confused than ever. I started reading and came to realize that I may have social anxiety disorder. It's been my only therapy experience and I was always afraid to ask anything...spent most sessions listening to his life experiences and his views more than doing much talking myself. My question is (and I hope this makes sense) is it usual for therapists to make a diagnosis on insurance records and never mention it to the client? Does every individual client get diagnosed with 'something'? Thank you. ali

Dear Ali:

In order for therapists to submit insurance claims, they have to have a diagnosis to put on the forms.  This diagnosis is sometimes very relevant to treatment, sometimes not.  For example, I see many clients with relationship problems which are causing some mild to moderate anxiety or depression.  They get diagnosed with 'Adjustment Disorders' and that is not often relevant to treatment--they know what they need to work on or they figure that out and they don't need to know the official category they're in.  Other diagnoses, and I would include Social Anxiety Disorder, have specific symptoms and dynamics and the client should get input about those from their therapist in a way which is relevant and meaningful to them.

You did not get this kind of input from your therapist who appears to have been more interested in hearing himself talk than in truly helping you with your problems.  If he believed you had Social Anxiety Disorder, he should have been dealing with your anxiety symptoms and your tendency to be afraid of being judged by others.  In my chapter on therapists (Chapter 4), I talk about how some are helpful and some not--you might have gotten a 'Withdrawn Therapist' who did not put himself out enough to be truly helpful.

I hope you can find some help which is truly helpful!

Dr. Rob Burkham

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