Here are some questions that others have asked Dr. Burkham:
(questions 36 - 40 of 126 total)
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Wednesday, November 14, 2007
kms writes:
Dear dr Burkham, I am in therapy and have been going once a week for the past 3 months, last night i came away from the session feeling confused and hurt. I felt i had a good rapport with my therapist and was begining to trust her and felt she believed me, and these issues can be a major problem for me.When i met up with the therapist last evening i felt something wasnt right, i couldnt put my finger on it but something wasnt right. It started off ok but then i felt guilty, guilty for feeling down, and guilty because my physical and emotional health isnt very good at the moment. When i said to the therapist i have been feeling down again, she replied by saying your always down, this shocked me.I go because of trying to deal with and understand how my past affects me, why it is i keep getting hurt by others. Basically to help me deal with the problems i face in relationships. Then she said about my health, i am due for surgery and have some other issues that cause me to be unfit to work at the moment, i worked for 22 years in the caring proffession basically most of my working life apart from the past 2 years due to my health, i miss my work, but now i feel guilty for not working. I do feel hurt by my therapist, do you feel that what she has done was to see if i reacted? because i keep my feelings hidden i dont showhow i really feel, but this is not because i dont want to, its because i dont know how to.I am so confused and i dont know what to do. could you please guide me on this. thank you
Dear KMS: My best guess is that your therapist is not saying 'you're always down' to see how you react. I think she is saying this out of frustration and impatience. It's a problem therapists have--clients don't change as fast as we think they should! I think it could be very beneficial to you and to your relationship with your therapist to talk to her about what she said and how you felt about it. Since you tend to keep your feelings hidden, it would be great practice for you to talk this through with her. If she continues to make critical remarks like she made and you continue feeling guilty with her, I would find someone else to work with. All the best!
Dr. Rob Burkham
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
clarice writes:
Hi there..
I'd like to ask you about one of my clients..
We had several sessions with Ms. A.P. about her problems regarding her husband..Since the husband rejected coming to sessions, we couldn't go beyond certain level..('cause the problem was based on her husband's behavioral problems).
After 4 sessions, Ms. A stopped coming, didn't take any appointments..
What i would like to learn is, as a psychologist should I call her over the phone, to learn about her situation? My inner feelings tell me not to, because of the boundary issues and and for believing that responsibility is within the client..
However, I'd be very pleased to get your opinion on this.
Thank you,
Clarice
Dear Clarice: Thanks for a question from the therapist's point of view! I hardly ever call clients when they drop out of therapy. I feel that they know what I have to offer them and often they are not ready to do further work. I think it is respectful to your clients to let them drop out if they choose to do so.
Your statement that 'we couldn't go beyond a certain level' because her husband wouldn't come in is a bit troubling to me. Your client could work on herself and her reactions to his behavior and that work could greatly benefit her without him ever changing. You may have inadvertantly given her the message that we can't do much because he's not here--I've certainly done that myself--but I feel it reinforces the client's dependence on her spouse. My book has some comments on this issue and it might be helpful to you. Feel free to reply.
Dr. Rob Burkham
Monday, November 12, 2007
pamela writes:
I went to a therapist out of state, and ended therapy because I was so attracted to him. When I first realized it I wrote him a letter telling him, he called said it was normal and to hang in there. The very next visit he said he had to admit he found me attractive too and if he wasn't married and my therapist, he would probably ask me out. Well, hate to say it but this thrilled me. I continued therapy for a little while longer, but I looked forward to the therapy because I looked forward to seeing him. Then I got rather flirtatious one nite at therapy and hinted at being with him, and he said It will never happen. He said it very sternly. My question is, suddenly I find myself obsessing over him. I do feel he was attracted to me. I feel we had a real connection. I'm just in a lot of 'psychic pain' over this...he was really helpful to me before I realized I was so attracted to him. Do you think this was really just transference? Couldn't I have genuinely fallen in love with him because he had such insight in ways I'd never been introduce to before? Thank you for any advice..
Dear Pamela: I believe he was attracted to you and you to him--that's clear. It's hard to imagine you 'genuinely' falling in love with him because you don't know him as person--only as a therapist. I believe him saying he was interested in you was a problem because it took the focus off the work of therapy and put it on the exciting connection between the two of you. But then he had to 'sternly' say no to that. You are both in dangerous waters here. It was not clear to me that you have indeed ended therapy with him but I would strongly recommend that. It won't be helpful to you because the focus will be on you and him rather than your issues.
I wish you the best.
Dr. Rob Burkham
Sunday, November 11, 2007
catherine writes:
i am aware i am transfereing feeling regarding my mother into my therapist and i'm starting to even see and want my therapist to be my mother. i have been in treatment with my therapist for about 9months and these feelings are getting stronger and stronger each week. i'm starting to do well in treatment but purely because i think if i make progress she will like me more and want to spend time with me. each week i hope these feeling will get less intense but they don't. i find myself think about her alot, and thinking what can i do to make her like me more. what should i do, should i get a new therapist?
Dear Catherine: I don't see any reason to get a new therapist at this time. I do think you need to talk to your therapist about your feelings and thoughts. It will probably be embarrassing to admit to her that you want her to be your mother and that the progress you are making is an attempt to get her to like you more. But you need to put these thoughts and feelings out on the table so you and your therapist can look at them and figure out how you can grow and mature so that these feelings will get less and less intense. Good luck!
Dr. Rob Burkham
Friday, November 09, 2007
Lois S writes:
I have BPD and have seen a therapist for 11/2 years. I struggle so much with the fact that we have contact everyday and I want her to be around, I trust and believe her. But I should be able to do things on my own now. She says it is okay that time will come but I am very anxious about this dependent thing.
Dear Lois: Although it is difficult to do, I would recommend having a frank talk with your therapist about your perceived need for more independence from her. You could probably work out with her a gradual 'weaning' process. Take some days without having contact with her and work on handling things the way you think is right and then check in with her. If you handle things well, you can take more days without seeing her. She may have some resistance to this but you can reassure her by handling yourself well. I hope all goes well.
Dr. Rob Burkham
(questions 36 - 40 of 126 total)
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