Here are some questions that others have asked Dr. Burkham:
(questions 26 - 30 of 126 total)
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Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Katherine writes:
I am grieving and I want to know if my experience is the norm. I have been seeing the same therapist for over eight years for depression, anxiety, PTSD, and childhood abuse issues. Three weeks ago I was shocked when I got an email stating something like, 'Dear Clients, I have decided to retire. My last day doing therapy will be in 10 days...' I had no warning, was devastated at the news and had only two sessions left. In those sessions I didn't feel that my issues of separation and loss were dealt with at all. At first my reaction was more like I think I would feel if someone I cared deeply about died, but I have begun to feel like I was unceremoniously dumped and betrayed. It feels like a very bad way to end such a close relationship. It's like finding out that someone I thought cared about me really didn't. Obviously I still have issues to work on and grieving to do, but I don't think I can trust another therapist after this experience. It has been the most painful thing I've ever gone through. Is it normal for therapy to end this way and am I being too harsh?
Dear Katherine: According to the information you gave me, what your therapist did was unethical. According to the ethics code of psychologists, 'psychologists do not abandon patients or clients'. It goes on to say, 'prior to termination...the psychologist discusses the client's views and need, provides appropriate pretermination counseling,...and takes reasonable steps to facilitate transfer of responsibility to another provider.' Your therapist did not do this. Although it may be hard, it is important for you to find another therapist you can work with so that you can work on your grief and anger with your former therapist and so that you can continue the work which is so important to you. I wish you the best.
Dr. Rob Burkham
Monday, December 17, 2007
Diana Y. writes:
I have a great offer pending at the agency the therapist I used to see works at. I realize there are lots of places to work but this opportunity came up and it is a great match for my skills and I love the agency. He is a sub-contractor, so I wouldn't run into him or have any dealings with him whatsoever. I also know it would be impossible to see him should I ever need therapy again. I feel very badly about this and am torn between my professional development and the relationship. Although hopefully I will never need him again he is the only person I would go to if I needed to. My question is, how to reconcile this. I definitely can't talk to him about it, I don't even want him to know I will be working there and it is highly unlikely he would ever find out. But I'm so very sad knowing this is it, I'll never see him again, ever. This is huge for me. Diana
Dear Diana: Your situation sounds very painful and difficult. You have obviously benefitted a great deal from your therapy and taking this job would bring an end to any further therapy you might need from him. One thought I have is that if you benefitted so much from therapy with him, wouldn't you be able to get help from someone else? I know it's not the same but you could continue to grow if you needed to work on some issues. This is not the end of the change process for you--you could keep going with someone else. You will probably need a time of feeling sad and mourning the loss of someone who has meant so much to you. It won't be easy, but you can get through it. All the best!
Dr. Rob Burkham
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
katherine writes:
I have been in therapy with the same therapist for over six years. We have worked intensely on sexual abuse issues from my childhood. I have had a very difficult time learning to trust and am finally getting somewhere. I have gleaned much from the relationship we have built over the years. The problem is that she is leaving the area in a few months. I really like her and can't imagine starting over again with another therapist. I have found myself withdrawing from the process in a self protective way. Why trust any further when it will end soon? I'm not sure I can get anything more in the remaining time other than preparing for the end. Should I stop seeing my therapist now or drag it out to the end?
Dear Katherine: This is a very painful spot you're in with no easy answer. My first thought is that it is great that you have made such good progress over the six years and it sounds like the changes you have made will stick with you and enable you to have a better life. With your therapist leaving the area, you can use your remaining time for further grwoth, although it will be painful. Spending your remaining time in therapy talking to your therapist about your pain difficulty trusting and talking about how you can keep growing even after she leaves could be very beneficial. 'Dragging it out to the end' sounds unproductive, but actively working on yourself as the end of your therapy approaches sounds very productive. Best of luck!
Dr. Rob Burkham
Saturday, December 01, 2007
Michele writes:
I have been in intensive therapy with my therapist whom i admire greatly. As i/we have broken through layers and layers of my layers of defense that were developed to serve me when i was young, but are hurting me now, i find that i develop somewhat unhealty connections to my therapist. I feel jealosy that he has other clients and am now seeing my jealosy over my parents having other children playing out in our theraputic relationship. Part of me feels that as i expose each of these insecurities i will be able to pass through them. Is this possessive feeling natural as one unfolds? I do feel the need to share my discovery of this jealosy with him, to shed light on it and defuse it... as i give each of these parts of me less power I come more out of my head. There is still part of me that enjoys the dream in my head, but the other part that wants it all extinguished.. Do other's experience conflict like this in theraputic relationships? I feel so odd and distorted at times when these weird and uncomfortable behaviors of mine are discovered.. the imbarressing thing is that my therapist probably already can see my strange attachments more clearly than I... I am guessing if I share I will be able to move to a new level in my healing. do you agree?
Dear Michele: Yes, I agree wholeheartedly that as you share your thoughts and feelings about this issue with your therapist, you will 'move to a new level.' You have very articulately expressed what is going on as you transfer some of your issues into the therapy relationship and then work to 'shed light and diffuse them'. It may also help you to work on these issues in the context of your family of origin. It sounds like you are very insightful and have a great therapeutic relationship! I think you will go far! All the best!
Dr. Rob Burkham
Thursday, November 22, 2007
wendy writes:
I ended therapy 3 months ago. I sometimes will get upset and want to call my former therapist. I will get upset and start to cry thinking I need to but I don't end up doing it. I tell myself that i need to accept that it's over and go on with my life. I don't want to go backwards but why is it so hard?
Dear Wendy: Well, I wonder if you ended therapy too soon because it is so hard to go on with your life and handle your emotions well. It might be helpful to have a session to discuss this with your therapist, if he or she is open to that. Otherwise, you could seek out another therapist to get to a more confident place in your life.
Dr. Rob Burkham
(questions 26 - 30 of 126 total)
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