Here are some questions that others have asked Dr. Burkham:

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Monday, April 18, 2005
Need Help writes:
My daughter who has ADD and I have started therapy. Although my husband and I love our kids and do not ever abuse them I am worried that something may be said that will make us look like horrible parents. Would the therapist ever turn us in on hearsay alone?

Dear Need: Excellent question! Let me first explain something about the ethics that therapists must follow. They are not allowed to release any information about your treatment to anyone without your permission, with a few exceptions. The exception that is relevant to you is child abuse. If a therapist suspects that child abuse is occuring they must report that suspicion to child abuse authorities. Therapists do not have to know that abuse is occuring to report it.

If you are not abusing your child and you give no reason for your therapist to suspect that you are, then you have nothing to worry about unless your therapist violates their ethics and reports you. That would be a serious violation on the therapist's part and you could report them to their licensing agency.

But there's another part to your question: what if the therapist thinks we're "horrible parents"? If your therapist has that attitude, find another one. There may problems with your parenting but you can learn to solve those--if I understand it right, that's why you are there.

A final note: most young children are not interested in nor able to make significant changes in themselves. You and your husband are probably going to be the ones doing the work in therapy. If you become more effective parents, it will benefit you and your daughter.

I wish you all the best!

Dr. Burkham

Tuesday, March 22, 2005
Book Writer writes:
I have been writing a story, and in it a person has multiple personalities. She is in a psych ward. The problem I am having is that I want to use hypnosis or psychotherapy, but I have no idea how a dr. would go about doing this. Can you please help?

Dear Book Writer:

This is a very complex question as there are many ways that therapists work with multiple personalities. Most therapists agree that therapy for these folks is very long-term, often ten years or more, for it to be successful. For your story, you probably need to decide whether you want your therapist to be truly helpful, somewhat helpful, or destructive to this client. In my book, I have a chapter on some different types of therapists ranging from the abusive therapist to the truly helpful, mature therapist. A destructive therapist with a multiple personality would be impatient, pushy, controlling, anxious, and critical whereas a helpful therapist would be patient, supportive, leaving change in the hands of the client, and calm in helping the client put together their fragmented sense of self. Whatever technique the therapist used, those personal qualities would have the most impact on how the therapy went. I would recommend reading a good text book on multiple personalities before you go further. Good luck!

Dr. B

Tuesday, February 01, 2005
R. K. writes:
I have a patient who was abused as a child. She is replete with painful experiences from a family that delighted in hurting her with those games that children play on one another, so she needs a complete therapeutic approach to ridding her of the problems that really reinforce themselves with her everyday.

For example, although she is bright, she works as a secretary and her job is not all that guaranteed either. When she reaches to answer the phone, she may spill a cup of coffee, so she gets terribly anxious because they frustrated her like that as a kid. She will be financed by me, a friend of the family, but she needs a complete catharsis in order to function socially and occupationally.

Do you have a program for her?

Dear R.K.:

It sounds like your patient needs sensitively-delivered and long-term therapy done by an experienced therapist. She needs to learn a great deal to overcome such a difficult childhood. In my book and on my website I have information on what "relatively non-anxious therapists" are like. If you can find one, he or she will be caring, patient, accepting, and will not try to make your patient to change.

One question for you: I am not sure if she is your patient or you are a friend of the family or both. It will be important for you to be clear about your role in her life. It is generous of you to finance her treatment but it could be tempting to pressure her too much to make progress. She needs to go at her own pace.

If you are in my geographic area, I would be glad to see her but if not, review the information on therapists in my book and website and help her find a "relatively non-anxious therapist".

Best of luck to you and your friend.

Dr. B.

Thursday, January 13, 2005
Lyndsey writes:
I was wondering if you could assist me in helping my aunt, who has been suffering from severe attacks of depression that last for months. She lives in a foreign country where there are no psychiatrists and it has been very tough for my family there. The only doctor who has some experience keeps on giving her medication which doesn't seem to work for too long and I was wondering if psychotherapy would be a more effect way of treating her.

Doctor, if you could please offer some insight into her condition either by mail or e-mail, which I could then print and mail to her, I would be very grateful as she does not listen to my mum or any of us when she is well. Your opinion, as a well qualified person, will certainly be of much more value.

Dear Lyndsey:

Your situation is very difficult, no question about it. Your aunt needs professional help perhaps with medication and also perhaps with psychotherapy but that kind of help may not be readily available. I am afraid that a letter from me to your aunt will not help because she may not be open to it.

My thought is that you and your mother are the ones who are motivated to help your aunt get better and so I would be glad to do some consulation via email with you to figure out some ways you and your mother can reach your aunt and help her recover.

This part of the website is not set up to deal with specific advice to specific individuals. Please email me at rob@therapytriangle.com and we could communicate more fully about your aunt's (and your mother's) situation.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Dr. Rob Burkham

Monday, November 01, 2004
M in VA writes:
Are there sources of information (books, articles, etc.) that you can recommend for someone to learn how to cope with the end of long-term therapy? Perhaps something that Scared in Toronto, the example below, could use also.

Dear M: This is an excellent question as it brings up a major problem in some therapies: the dependence of the client on the therapist. I assume this because of your phrase "coping with the end of long-term therapy." If therapy has gone very well, the end of sessions may be sad but also a cause for celebration because the client has made significant progress and made a new life for him or herself.

However, if the client has become and stayed too dependent on the therapist, then termination is a very hard thing to cope with often because the client has not been sufficiently strengthened in the therapy to live life "on his/her own".

I was not aware of any writings for lay people about coping with the end of therapy so I did what any good researcher would do: I went to Google, entered "ending psychotherapy" and got some interesting results. The most helpful sites I found were:

http://psychcentral.com/library/therapy.html and

http://www.guidetopsychology.com/termin.htm

I also think two chapters of my book would be helpful. Chapter 4 deals with therapists, "the good, the bad, and the overly helpful". It can help you understand how a truly therapist works. Chapter 5, "Differentiation: Becoming Yourself While Being with Others" talks about what clients need to work on in treatment to get lastingly better. Enough of the shameless plug!

I hope my thoughts, these sites, and the chapters from my book will be helpful to you and to Scared. I wish you both all the best.

Dr. Rob Burkham

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