Here are some questions that others have asked Dr. Burkham:
(questions 1 - 5 of 126 total)
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Saturday, March 08, 2008
Isaac writes:
I understand from what I've read on this site, that the therapy triangle consists of A(the client), B(a person/s in relationships with the client, and C(the therapist). I was curious to know if, perhaps, 'B' could represent a part of the client him/herself. Some sort of internal struggle.
I am 26 and I have been in therapy off and on since early adolescence. Until recently, I had never initiated or taken responsibility for my own treatment. A month and a half ago I called the office of my former psych. 101 professor, who is also a therapist under supervision, and asked about her services. I got an appointment the next day and have continued to schedule weekly sessions. For the first time, I feel like I am actively participating in my growth. However, these past few weeks have been emotionally intense due to the priority I've placed on therapy. My current assignment is to think about separating facts from feelings. I take this concept to be profound. I have never contemplated how difficult it is for me to differentiate between my emotional state and the actual situation at hand. This type of thought process and behavioral response works against me in my everyday life.
The part of me that has a passion to change and grow beyond this, sought the advocacy of trained, caring individual. I am essentially working on a relationship with myself so that all of my parts can coexist productively. Am I misunderstanding the triangle or do I have the general idea?
Also, thanks for investing your time and resources on this site. It demonstrates genuine concern for those who are the focus of your chosen career.
Dear Isaac: Thanks for such an insightful question! I do believe that one can think about the therapy triangle in terms of A and B being parts of the client and C being the therapist. Looking at your therapy this way, it would be important for your therapist to value and respect both parts of you--the part that wants growth and the part that is not so crazy about it. And your job would be to have both parts of yourself working together. I do believe that you can and will find others in your life that may come into play in the 'B' role.
One thing that stood out for me was your comment that ':for the first time, I am actively participating in my growth.' That will make true therapeutic progress possible for you. Also, I like that your therapist is helping you sort out your feelings from your thoughts. By changing your thoughts, you can change your feelings. Congratulations and best of luck.
Dr. Rob Burkham
Friday, March 07, 2008
Becky writes:
I can't help but notice that alot of people end up with intense feelings for their therapist.Do you usually know who this clients are and how can you tell, or is everyone going to have these feelings. I mostly want my therapist to be healthy and happy I know we are not freinds and understand why we can't be. At first it was hard but I eventually got over it as I started feeling better about myself. I hope everyone knows this is so normal in fact I am gratefull that i got to know what it is like to have this feelings because i have never had them before. I am certain that one day I will find someone I can love because of the help I got it was critical in my healing. It's a long process and there is no quick fix.
Dear Becky: Not everyone has the same intense feelings for their therapist, As a therapist, I don't often know the types of feelings my clients have for me unless they tell me. I can't read minds! Your experience is a very healthy one--you seem to have worked through your feelings and realized that you were in therapy to make yourself healthier, which you did. As you felt better about yourself, you got over your feelings for your therapist. Keep up the good work!
Dr. Rob Burkham
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Dianne writes:
I have been diagnosed as having borderline personality disorder by my psychiatrist. I also have a therapist whom I thought I trust. I have an unexplained fear that she will hurt me and it takes me a while to feel safe with her during our appointments before we get to the point where I can talk about what's happening in my life. She wonders if maybe in some way she reminds me of someone from my past that hurt me. She is questioning if this therapy with her is really helping me. I don't think she thinks I have made much progress in the past year I have been seeing her. I feel rejected by her and feel like she is giving up on me prematurely. My appointments with her are important to me because I don't have a lot of friends to talk to. Maybe down deep I want to be her friend and I know that she's not and cant be. Dr. Burkham, do you have any suggestions for someone who is struggling with BPD? Thank you in advance.
Dear Dianne: People with borderline personality disorder often react to other people in ways that don't make sense, given current circumstances. Their reaction to others have been shaped by traumatic relationships they have had with people in the past. A big part of the therapy is to bring your reactions to others into line with reality. This is a difficult and lengthy struggle for most. One thing that might be happening is that you are reacting to your therapist as a threat when she is not. The best way to work on sorting this out is to talk to her as frankly as possible, asking her if she is in fact 'giving up' on you or 'rejecting' you. You can learn alot by talking to her about your worries and you can bring your reactions into closer line with reality. All the best.
Dr. Rob Burkham
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Mystique writes:
I have been seeing my therapist for about 1 1/2 to 2 years. I have had a lot of childhood trauma. Even though I feel very sad sometimes in therapy, I am unable to cry. Mt therapist ask me why I don't cry. Is not crying unusual? I feel like I want to cry, but I can't. My therapist thinks I can release a lot of pain If I would cry.
Dear Mystique:
I've seen a number of clients who have been seriously traumatized who can't cry. For most of them, their traumatic experiences taught them to never be vulnerable to anyone--never trust anyone emotionally--because you will only get hurt more. When you think about it, crying in front of someone is a very vulnerable act. Even after working with your therapist for some time, your abusive 'training' has taught you still not to trust her. I would imagine that as you go along in therapy and it goes well, you will be able to relax enough and trust enough to cry. I wish you all the best.
Dr. Rob Burkham
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Mac writes:
I have been seeing my therapist for about 2 years. I have made lots of progress and trust her greatly. I used to drive by her office several times a week just to see if her car was there. I have even driven by her house just to know where she lived and to see if her car was there. Am I a stalker? I don't ever do anything a ijust look for her car. I have no history of stalking or hurting anyone. What is this wierd behavior I have?
Dear Mac:
You have a strong 'transference' reaction to your therapist. What does this mean? It means that you have alot of feelings and unmet emotional needs developed earlier in your life which you are 'transferring' to your therapist. It would be helpful to you to work on this with your therapist. I imagine it will be very difficult to tell her what you are doing (she may feel threatened), but, unless you do, I don't think you'll be able to get out of therapy what you need. You need to figure out why your intense attachment to your therapist has taken the form of checking up on her the way you do. Once you get stronger emotionally, you won't need to check up on her any more. All the best.
Dr. Rob Burkham
(questions 1 - 5 of 126 total)
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