Your first question might be: Is therapy, in general, helpful or not?
Therapy has been scientifically studied more thoroughly than many medical treatments. Over the past forty years, an extensive, carefully designed body of research has shown that the great majority of therapy clients are much better off than those who do not get therapy. The evidence is in: therapy, for most clients, with most therapists, is effective.
The most important question for you might be: what determines whether my therapy will help me?
Research shows that the techniques a therapist uses or the theory of psychotherapy he or she practices has very little impact on whether the client gets better or not. So, if you have heard of a new technique or a new type of therapy and you are hoping that it will make all the difference to you, you will be disappointed. It is not so much technique or theory that matter. It is the quality of the relationship between therapist and client that makes therapy work.
What should I look for in a good relationship between my therapist and myself?
- You feel respected by your therapist and you respect him or her.
- You feel that you are working together to solve your problems.
- You feel safe to explore your thoughts, feelings, and actions and to try out new ones without being judged by your therapist.
- You and your therapist agree on the methods and goals of therapy. This means that you clearly understand how what happens in therapy will get you to your goals.
- You feel more hopeful over time
- You become more able to solve your own problems over time
- You mature to the point where you don’t need the therapist anymore
- Your therapist respects your relationships with the important others in your life even if those relationships are quite painful. In other words, your therapist handles the triangle of relationships between you, your family, and him- or herself in a mature manner. Go to The Therapy Triangle.
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Ultimately, who will make my therapy successful?
Your therapist needs to be skilled and mature but he or she can’t make you get better. In 1999, The American Psychological Association published a book called The Heart and Soul of Change: What Works in Therapy, (by Hubble, Duncan, and Miller). Throughout four hundred pages, the authors exhaustively review the research on psychotherapy. Their conclusion about what is at the “heart and soul of change”? What makes therapy go and makes it helpful to many? It is you, the client. Those of us who are therapists like to see ourselves as powerful and wise and the ones who are causing the change in our clients. This is an arrogant fiction on our part!
What makes change possible is you, the client!
This is why I have designed this site and written my book for you, because you are the
driving force that makes therapy happen. I want to help you be the best client you can
be, so you can make the changes you want. Buy The Therapy Triangle book or Ask Dr. Burkham a question about therapy.
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